You're joking right???

An ode to dairy. Who doesn't love a big bowl of ice cream? I'm particularly fond of Blue Bunny Super Fudge Brownie, or almost any variety of Ben and Jerry's. That takes me back to my days on BYU campus, shopping at Food 4 Less, loading up our cart with Ben and Jerry's and a few yogurts and oranges to even things out. But back to the dairy. I also have been known to down quite a few oreos with a big glass of milk, ice cold from the fridge. Picture this, the best pizza you've ever had, the kind that leaves the cheese hanging from your chin. A big cheeseburger, ooy, gooy lasagna, big bowl of cereal in front of the tv on Saturday morning catching up on the latest cartoons, the never ending pasta bowl at your favorite restaurant loaded up with cheesy marinara and parmasean cheese, and don't forget the garlic cheese bread. Ok, are you sufficiantly overloaded yet? I could go on and on. Feel free to share your favorite dairy item. Ok, now picture it gone. (Gone, all Gone! --from A Christmas Story, after the famous Bumpus' hounds eat up the turkey!! Love that movie!)

That's where I found myself after giving birth to my daughter Whitney. She's 5 weeeks old, and I'm sitting at the Dr's office for the 4th time waiting for someone to tell me what the heck is wrong with this child. "I can't do this." "I'm not meant to be this baby's mother!" "She hates me." "I wonder if the hospital will take her back?" "Please someone tell me what to do" Ok, before you call me a bad mother for thinking this, do you have children? Have you heard a baby scream at the top of her lungs for hours on end? If you have a baby that slept through the night from day 1 and "never cries" and is a perfect child, get out of the way, you aren't who I'm talking too, and by the way, get real! After the nurse took her diaper from me and waited 5 minutes, she bounced back in the room and said, "Well, there's definitely blood in there!"

Ok, let's make me feel a little worse, I haven't slept, I cry all the time, while Whitney's crying, my two other children are completely neglected, all I can do is feed her all the time and when Matt can take her I eat and eat, chocolate, ice cream, cheeseburgers, oreos with milk, total comfort!!! (Wow, that was quite a sentance, I apologize to all those teachers out there!!!) Now you tell me that my child is in so much pain that she's pooping blood!@!@!@! You're joking right? Even though you couldn't see a thing in there but the lovely runny, mustard, gunk, they swore there was blood in there. Ok, so I thought I was doing this lovely bonding, healthy, nutritious, good for the mom and baby, immunity building breastfeeding and this is what I get. After several minutes of sobbing (I think the nurse was a little afraid) I said Ok, what is going on?

She's probably lactose intolerant, and most babies that are lactose intolerant (or "sensitive"--now you tell me if that blood curdling cry means she's just sensitive!) are also soy intolerant. Which leaves me with the one option of "Rice milk". I don't even want to think of the process of milking rice so lets just not even entertain that thought. Anyway, so the Dr. comes in and hands over the death sentance. "Here's your new diet! " The pages felt like a brick as he laid it in my hands. A full page of things to 'avoid' and then at the very bottom, what you CAN eat. Two small sentances, yippee pretzels. You're joking right? Fruits, vegetables, most meat. Oh, goodie, exactly what you want to eat when your baby is screaming. Let me just whip up a quick fruit salad. Delicious. NO thanks, I want the frozen peanut butter twix. But wait, no chocolate. That has to be a mis print! Nope, you heard it here first, virtually all chocolate (good chocolate anyway) has dairy. It's a little scary to think of a chocolate without dairy. I went home and searched desperately online for anything I could eat. Not a whole lot. If anything I found more lists of things I couldn't eat. Dang Puters!!!! After only a few days on this diet, not really a diet, but more of a torture, I found a chocolate cake mix and frosting with no dairy. I showed it to Matt and he looked at me and said, "wow, I haven't seen you that happy in a really long time." Sorry, dear, there's just something about chocolate, right girls? I think I ate half the cake that night.

So 8 weeks later now, the diet is not any easier, Whitney is better, so I guess it's worth it. Dang kids, they do it to you everytime!! I'm sure I look like a freak at the grocery store, at least that's what I used to think of the people that check the ingredients of everything they buy. (Come on lady, it's oreos, you know it's bad for you, why do you even need to look????) I was so excited to find a brownie mix with no dairy, I think I've told almost everyone about it. Whenever my daughter Madison eats ice cream, she says "this bite's for you Mom, wow, it was good." Everyday I day dream of pizza, cheese, oreos with milk, chocolate. . . So when you find yourself with a big bowl of ice cream, cereal, or eating a snickers, enjoy, I'll be having a huge "Dairy lovers" party in about 6 more months!!!! Maybe a trip to the Ben and Jerry's factory is in order, and we'll stop by the Hershey's factory too! And I'm NOT joking!!!!