Saturday, March 04, 2006

Holy Nastiness Batman!


Ever been awakened by the dreaded. . ."mom, mom, mom, MOM!!"? Matt's been on his vacation since Tuesday (I can't complain, I'm the one that sent him). It has gone swimmingly well. The girls have been realatively happy, healthy and obedient (kind of.) I knew I had one more night to go until he was home Saturday afternoon. Since things had gone so well we headed to rent some movies and I even made Oreo shakes once Whitney was snoozing. I think that's where things went wrong but I'm still not sure what the evil was. From here on out, it ain't pretty, so read at your own risk, or your gag-reflexes own risk.

I had just fallen asleep when Molly appears in the hallway saying the words I so did not want to hear in the tone of voice I didn't want to hear. After I can focus my eyes, she's standing kind of funny with a tissue in her hand. As a mom I think I've trained myself to go from 0-60 pretty fast so I start the barrage of questioning. "Are you ok?" Yeah. "Are you going to throw up?" No. "Did you have an accident?" Yes. Ok, this hasn't happened in forever but ok. As I get out of bed the smell hits me over the head. WOW! What happened and what the heck is that smell? Oh, no, that is not good. As I lift her dainty nightgown something has indeed gone wrong. That's right kids. . ."When you're sliding into first and you feel a sudden burst. .. " That's right, your enemy and mine. . .Dia-flippin-rrhea! I stood there not even knowing what to do or where to start. Ok, into the tub to contain the beast. I managed to get the nightgown off with only a little of it being slimed. The nastiness has gone all the way down her legs. Poor thing, she is shaking and cold and still half asleep and just as stunned as I am. I toss the underwear, no chance of those Barbie puppy underwear being saved, Molly is sad. It's ok, I would pay $1000 not to have to clean those suckers out. I figure all of the mess can go right down the drain for all I care so I grab the cup and clean everything off without having to touch it. Next, the Lysol disinfecting wipes. I think I used the whole container, and a whole bottle of Purell anti bacterial. Ok, Molly, supermom is figuring this out. Out of the tub and stand here while I douse it with Clorox cleaner. Tub is now clean, you get back in and enjoy a nice warm bath. By the way, PLEASE make sure and jump out if this is going to happen again. Amazingly she says she and her tummy feel fine. Ok, wait, this happened in bed? Did you get any on your bed? "I don't know Mom."

I step around the corner and cannot help but laugh. There are little turd puddles all the way from her bed to the bathroom. Nice. No chance on saving this carpet right now. I grab the wipes and scrub away at all the puddles. The sheets have mostly avoided being tainted. I decided I can proably wash them and not toss them ( I was more than prepared to.) Her adorable bedspread has also managed to only catch a little of the mess and I grab it and the sheets and head downstairs to a boiling hot (ok, just regular hot) washing machine. I ran them through twice last night and again this morning. While doing that I thought of an idea, does anyone make an antibacterial detergent? Well, I'm here to say, they SHOULD!!

So, after work this morning, I'm spending the day rewashing the sheets, and praying there is some product out there to help my poor, poor carpet. Matt, I think I've got a job for you, hurry home!!

p.s. since you're already reading about this gross stuff, head over to Tales from the Crib and read my buddy Kage's latest post. Good times.

15 comments:

Christy said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry and especially since Matt was away. This is when I would call Carl no matter what time it is and no matter where he is just so he can be almost as miserable as I am! :)

Holy word verification today!
qhwxumpm

~j. said...

I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who throws the fancy underwear away in these scenarios. Sorry, they're NOT WORTH IT.

Hollie said...

Oh Wendy! Sorry to laugh at your expense but man-o-man, you should write a book. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a while. I know, what comes around goes around.

AzĂșcar said...

Poor thing! She was probably just so confused. I think this falls under the Equal and Opposite Reaction Rule: If you as a mom go all out on something special for your kids you will be rewarded with the equal and opposite reaction.

Deb said...

I'm so sorry that you and Molly had to go thru that!!! I think Matt owes you big time!

Julie said...

That is the stuff of nightmares. I'm so sorry you had to experience that! Maybe it's time for laminate flooring...

Lorien said...

I feel your pain. Here's a disgusting confession. I had bleached and re-bleached my kid's bathroom floor after my daughter had a directional explosion (but out the top end) all over the bathroom floor. Cleaned up, right? WRONG! A month or 2 later I find more splash remnants way up under the kickboard while I'm mopping. Nasty! And I try so hard.

wendysue said...

Lo, ok, it's confession time, every time I was in the bathroom after this I could smell the lingering nastiness. I thought maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but no! Yesterday as I was changing the trash I found a little dried, crushed swipe of the poo on the side of the can!! I think maybe now it's all gone! And I have to give an Amen to Oxy-clean for the carpet. It's a little bleached white but hey, better than brown patches!!

Hollie said...

Gotta love that Oxy-Clean! It's been my best friend since I've been married and living in apartments that a million other people have lived in. Nasty!

wendysue said...

Oh, Carina! It's been far too long since High School Physics and I had completely forgotten about that good old Newton and his laws! For every action. . . so for all of you moms take note. . . homemade Oreo shakes=nasty night-time diarrhea on your floor. I guess that could also apply to celebrities. . .ex. Jennifer Garner. .. working hard to lose weight and look good for the Oscars=tripping in front of millions of people. Any others??

lisa v. clark said...

That's so funny--I just made Oreo shakes for FHE last night, thinking I was so great, and before we go to bed Phoebe tells me her tummy hurts. . . nice. No explosions yet, but it's only a matter of time, eh? I'm totally with you on OxyClean, Simple Green is good, too. What doesn't kill us (nasty bacteria and poo poo germs) makes us stronger (healthy immunities), right? Right?!?! After a nice trail of delight from the boys room to the downstairs bathroom out the OTHER end MONTHS AGO, I STILL can't make peaches and chicken noodle soup for dinner. AHHHGGGH!

wendysue said...

Madison left me a nice trail when she was about 3 years old. She had just finished up a Blue's Clues pop up (bright blue--thanks alot Blue Bunny) She left a trail of fluorescent blue puke from my bed to the bathroom. I couldn't keep from laughing. Later that week she said, "Mom, remember when I threw up and you just couldn't stop laughing??" I think laughing is the only way to keep yourself from puking, oh and no way will I buy those Blues Clues pop-ups again.

Bek said...

Your blues clues story is the reason my kids get only CLEAR Gatorade when sick. Puke is bad enough, but colored puke is worse.

It also seems to me that Lulu only vomited when her dad was out of town. Anyone besides me have the "great she is crying...I will let her cry it out" experience only to be greeted by the overwhelming smell of vomit when you enter the childs bedroom the next morning. This happened to me not once, but TWICE!!! Bad mommy.

So sorry for the mess. Amen Jen. I also throw away onsies when changing bad ones at the mall. Not worth carrying them around thank you very much.

Lorien said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
La Yen said...

I will throw away just about anything. I don't know what it is, but Jooj's smells make me dry heave, and sometimes just plain old heave. When she had the rotovirus (like roto rooter?) I felt like such a tool, because I was standing over her, sobbing and praying that my baby would not fall off of the changing table while I ran to the bathroom to hurl in between wiping. I threw away a lot. Even if I can clean it I still know that it was there. I am like the rainman of smelling past poop.