It's my party. . .

This will be another pity-party of sorts, but I think every new mom is entitled.

I'm fully convinced that Matt and I have beautiful babies. . .and that they are total stinkers. I love them like crazy, but it's true.

Simon was a great baby for the first 3 weeks. He was always kind of a fussy eater, but he did fine. He pooped, he slept, he ate, etc. Then Matt and the girls left me and went to Maryland for a week. I figured, it'll be great, I'll just sleep when he sleeps, I won't have to pick up after the kids, fix meals, etc. GREAT! Yeah, then Simon turned on me. One night he totally refused to nurse, no matter what I tried he just screamed. I even put him down because I couldn't hold him anymore and came downstairs and called Matt (3 am Baltimore time--thanks honey!). Several times I would have to just let him cry so I could pump a bottle to try and feed him. He usually took those okay, then we could both sleep for a bit. Basically, if he was awake, he was mad, and even when he slept, he was really restless.

Off to the Dr. . .I actually was able to meet the lacation consultant PA, so she watched what would happen when I nursed him. . .fine for a minute or so, then he would pull off and s.c.r.e.a.m. I was in tears, she was in tears, not knowing how to help me or him. Hmm, maybe reflux? He wasn't a total spitter, but he was definitely in pain. Oh, and maybe that whole milk/soy protein intolerance thing that Whitney had. (Oh, NOOOOOOO.) She tested his "stool". . .(there really just isn't a good word for it. . .), neg. for blood---yeah, so maybe he's not allergic. We'll try the meds for reflux and see, and probably start the no dairy/soy diet again (can I really be crazy enough to do that again?)

Oh, and "does he sleep in the car ok?, some reflux babies hate it because of the positioning".

Me: "Oh, he usually does fine in the car."

I shouldn't have said that. . .he screamed from the Dr to the pharmacy and back home (35 minutes).

Long story short (too late), here's the rundown. . .

About a week later, still not better. Matt finally arrived back home and gave me a much needed break. He had become a terrible nurser (it was like I was fighting with him!), would sometimes take a bottle, but if you stopped 1/2 way through for whatever reason, forget it, it was over. Called Dr. to go back in, now the "stool" check was positive, so definitely diet and I decide I'm also going to get him on the hypo-allergenic formula ($$$$$, he only will drink down the ready to feed kind, $$$$). Phone call back to the Dr a couple of days later (I'm sure the nurses on the phone line thought I was totally losing it--maybe I was--I was crying so badly I could hardly talk to leave a message. . .), so, now a different med for the reflux (oh, thank goodness for insurance b/c AFTER insurance it's still $50 for a month supply). It was beginning to take it's toll on Matt and I, one night I was headed out to the store, he smiled at me and said

"If they have some sanity, go ahead and buy that too."

I said, "I'm not sure we can afford it. . ."

He said, "I'm sure the Grandpa Gary fund would gladly pitch in for some sanity!".

In the beginning of September I decide we need to try just straight formula to see if he could actually ever be a happy baby. Still pumping, and dieting, and saving it (just in case. . .). I nursed him for the last time (I was a little sad about this but I realized that it was just like a wrestling match that he wanted no part of--the milk would be pouring into his little mouth and he would just pull away and fight and scream.)

Somedays he's better, somedays he's not. We still have no idea what the problem is, not sure if he really has reflux, not sure if it's milk/soy intolerance allergy, or if it's just colic. We gave him a month of just formula and this week tried some breastmilk in with the formula. Again, somedays he's fussy, some he's fine. I'm convinced he's just a boy. . .can't decide what he wants. I tried to nurse him once again, he looked at me like I was crazy. I can't believe he'd rather want the nastiest smelling formula but oh, well, I'm over it.

I've also decided that I can't do that ridiculous diet anymore, I have about 2 months worth of saved pumped milk, and I'll keep pumping this milk to try later, but I can't starve myself anymore. What goes best with a screaming baby? Triple fudge brownie ice cream!!

So here's what keeps me going. . .

well, this AND that he's actually sleeping through the night, and I mean like 11pm-7:30am!! Can I get a AMEN??